Monday, November 05, 2007

Riding the White Horse

My sister and I occasionally debate whether we're Southern women or not. Our hometown is a mix of Southern and Northern culture, but I've never felt comfortable saying I was Southern because I'm not like many of the Southern women I know. I do have a 1950's housewife inside of me, but I'm more apt to need a recipe for a peach cobbler than to go into anyone's kitchen at anytime and whip one up from scratch.

Over the last year though, my Southern girl may just be having her revenge. I seem to find men who don't know and wouldn't want to learn how to be gentlemen. Now, there are views I have that are more traditional, old-fashioned even. For instance, men pay for dates. I'm a feminist and I'm liberated, but the only confirmation I needed was from a guy friend who said: "If I like you, I'm definitely going to pay." Men who don't like me (in that way) can be my friend and then we can go Dutch all day long. You want to date me? You pick up the tab. In my hometown, this wouldn't have been a problem (there's the Southern I suppose). In New York, I've dated men who protested--all native New Yorkers. I think I need a little more Southern in my dating life, a man willing to ride the white horse.

It isn't simply about picking up the dinner tab (which need not be a bank breaker because the price isn't the point), it's about a caring that I'm having a hard time finding here. It's the "after you" and the walking on the outside of the street, but it's also not dominating the conversation and never bothering to find out anything about me. It's maybe helping me replace my iPod battery because I'm not a techie, but not patronizing me as though I'm not capable of doing it. It's simple kindness, and everyone could use a little more of that.