Commitment

I've found myself in a dating slump again, but spring is here and summer's coming. I expect to strike up conversations at barbecues and to spot good looking men at New York street fairs. I used to loathe dating, find myself disinterested in the pursuit nearly as soon as it began. No longer, not for the last year or so. I've been the girl up for a date with the guy who seems nice enough, who engages me in interesting conversation, throws in a good joke. Why not? I've encouraged myself when I can feel the request for the number approach. I don't regret any of them, but I am looking for something I haven't found in any of them. Come to think of it, not sure I've ever found. I know blanket statements will get us nowhere.

They could all keep their nice dinners and the seemingly sincere, if otherwise motivated, compliments. Or if you're incapable of commitment, don't even bother. Not the commitment of a Tiffany's ring or even necessarily the commitment of a relationship. I'd just like some follow through. You like me you say? Call when you're supposed to. You want to go out on Saturday? Follow up on that email invite. We have a special bond that you don't share with any other woman? For God's sake, don't let me get away.

When I got my first job 7 years ago, I walked in and thought I'd be out of there in two years tops. It didn't happen, but I never thought it was a conscious choice I made. The years passed, but they passed day by day. I wouldn't have gotten to the years if I didn't commit to the day. When these 30 something men avow their desire to get married, how will they commit to years when they can't commit to the day?

The Danger of What If

I've been so neglectful of this blog, probably because I've been slightly neglectful of my love life of late too. Mr. Potential has zero right now and Mr. (hell I don't even think I gave him a nickname) Other Guy I Was Dating has been nixed as well.

Turns out Mr. Other Guy was dating someone else at the same time and met her through the same friend as he met me. I'm not upset that he was dating someone else, there was certainly no exclusivity and no mention of not dating other people. Always assume they are dating someone else until the fact is made explicit that he (and you) aren't. Other Guy had already become extremely spotty in his communication (perhaps a result of having to date two or more people?), but I tend to keep a bit of what if... in my back pocket until it becomes finally, irrevocably true to me that it's done. Or more accurately that I'm done. Holding on too long is one of my great flaws.

From men to my career, it's hard for me to let go. Fear is of course that looming culprit. If I give up this guy who I do sort of like and who has maybe 7 out of the 10 things I want, what if the next guy has only 5? The wondering can drive you crazy and drive you to never get out. I have to tell myself that better may not always be the very next thing, because sometimes it isn't. In the long run, if you make your mistake, learn from it, and actually use that knowledge, better is bound to come down the road bearing ... oh maybe Mr. 8 out of 10 with it.