LEXI
A few weeks ago I met this guy; he was smart, funny, considerate, and FINE. The first day we met, I ended up spending the whole afternoon with him. Then later that night we talked on the phone for a few hours. We went out every day for almost a week. By our third date, I was hooked, and I'm not one to get hooked easily.
It seemed like every time I saw him, he got better and better to me. My routine was changed, lunch hours were forsaken to see him, and when one of my dates cancelled on me, I barely hesitated to call this guy to see if he wanted to get together.
The thing about it, it felt so natural being so involved so early. We enjoyed lots of "time stands still" kind of kisses. It was the stuff of romance novels. Well, for any of you romance novels fans, you know there's got to be some drama.
The drama didn't present itself immediately, actually, it wasn't until after our fifth date, that's five consecutive days of seeing one another, that my hopes for any relationship with him, and to some degree, my hope in relationships, in general, were dashed.
I was talking to him and we were asking each other about our past relationships. He mentioned that he had dated 8 women, for about a month each, this year. I thought that was interesting that he had these mini-relationships with these different women. His take on it was that some had no potential, but they each served a purpose. Some were for physical attention, and that there was one woman that he dated for a month that he didn't even like, but that he was bored so decided to hang out with her. I was a little shocked by this and asked did he really like any of the women that he had gone out with. He said that there was one in particular that he really liked but that she lived with her boyfriend so their relationship never went that far. I asked whether it bothered him that she was in a relationship. He said that it was her problem, not his.
It got me thinking about whether he was faithful in his own relationhips. I asked if he had been faithful, and he replied no. No..to all the relationships he had ever been in. Wow, that's pretty deep. I got quiet, and he justified his actions by saying that all men cheat. I said that I couldn't beleive that all men cheat. He insisted in so many words that due to biology, society's conditioning, and opportunity, that it was almost guaranteed that men were going to cheat. I was not convinced, but he asked me what incentive men had not to cheat. I said that morals, the prospect of losing their girlfriend/wife/other, and for some a faith in God. He insisted that some of the most revered people in the Bible cheated or had multiple wives. He said that women always confuse cheating with love. He said his cheating didn't mean that he loved his girlfriend or fiancee any less. It was just sex.
I asked if he had been unhappy in the relationships he had, he said no. He told me that it wasn't about being unhappy, it was about having a different experience.
This wasn't the first time I encountered a guy who had never been faithful; one of my ex-boyfriends also told me the same thing. He said that there wasn't anything wrong about his girlfriends or his past relationships; he just wanted what he wanted.
This completely freaks me out, how does a woman fight against infidelity if men tell you that in the end, there isn't anything you can do to prevent it? In some ways it makes sense, cheating is not about the person who is cheated on, it's about the cheater.
The straw that broke the camel's back for this guy was before we hung up he repeated that all men cheat, and then said, your father has probably cheated on your mom. A little background, my parents have been married for over 35 years. I have no reason to believe that my dad has cheated on my mom, but using this guy's criteria, the mere fact that my dad is a man is enough of an indication. Honestly, if I ever found out that my dad cheated on my mom, I might never get married. I know that sounds dramatic, and maybe it is, but my parents are one of the very few happily married couples I know. I don't kid myself, I know that cheating exists in many relationships, but I've got to believe that my parents aren't an anomaly. I've got to believe that the odds of being in a faithful relationship aren't unsurmontable. Otherwise, what's the point?
What do you think, do all men cheat?
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1 comment:
You're absolutely right--there are a lot of dogs out there. Good looking, sweet talking, smart, funny dogs. But, no, not all men cheat. I don't know exactly what the odds are, but I know at least one because I'm madly in love with him...and for seven years and change, I've had no reason to believe otherwise.
If you're part of my very small inner sanctum of trusted friends, you'd know that I'm more often than not, an angry, pessimistic, deflated, and socially inept wallflower with a penchant of spending too much money on clothes and bags, playing too many video games, and watching too much TV. I'm not exactly the picture of coolness or success, so seven years ago even I never would have believed what I wrote in the previous paragraph.
Despite all that, there is this part of me that believes there's someone out there for everyone and that if you have hope in love, love will find you. I found a wallflower who has a penchant for spending too much money on me, playing too many video games, and watching too much TV. Granted, he's not perfect for every woman out there, but he's perfect to me and perfect for me and he gives me hope.
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