Valentine's Day is creeping up and I've got a Valentine all lined up who goes by the name of Ketel One. Or maybe I'll class it up and cozy up to a bottle of cheap champagne.
No pity, it's my own fault. A guy friend once asked me why I was single. I paused and rifled through the remnants of my past relationships. Was it my moodiness? My short temper? My overlarge feet? No, it's because I want to be. Most single women could have somebody if they wanted, if they really wanted. It's not that I'm so great, it's that generally I'm no worse than anyone else and there are lots of men looking just as hard as women are to find someone they actually like.
Right now, I could probably fashion someone I'm dating into a Valentine if I tried. He's attractive, funny, smart, and treats me well. Except, I made a fatal mistake and let it get too physical too fast. I'm a proponent of doing what you feel when it feels right (Lemontangos knows of what I speak), except there are times when it isn't so much what you feel as it is the unholy progression of things you find yourself unable to stop. Sex creates a sense of intimacy where there once was none. Sometimes you create the real intimacy before the sex and other times you fill in the gaps later during meandering conversations about what cartoons you loved as a kid and why you secretly think Soul Plane is the height of comic cinema. But what if you feel like you missed that window of opportunity or it's rapidly closing and you're not sure how to pry it open? Do you even bother or do you accept the awkwardness of false intimacy and admit that it is nothing more than a physical relationship?
When it comes to sex, I can pretend that I'm completely liberated and see it solely as the expression of a physical need. Only, I think I'd be underplaying my hand. Casual sex is a misnomer for me. In the midst of it and afterwards, nothing much about it feels casual. Sex requires more than just your body. It can be good without real intimacy, but sex with it is always better. A session between the sheets is nice and sometimes necessary, but nothing compares with waking up and seeing a face that you want nothing more than to cover in kisses. I'll drink a whole bottle of champagne (even the good stuff) to finding that again.
1 comment:
i think there's probably at least another whole post someone could make here about intimacy without sex...merp.
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